Love? or Romance? (Thoughts for the Top of the Aisle)

I am often asked to read poems at weddings and I have often written especially for the occasion. That gets more and more difficult the more you do it as you tend to exhaust your wedding thoughts. In some ways this is what happened with this medley of poems although a section of it is brand new. I got an idea and tried to work with it for a few days and then realised that I had probably written it before so I cut and pasted a few old poems and added what songwriters might call a middle eight and there it was.

The inspiration came from a line on the new U2 album. Apparently, (the album is still six weeks from release) on a song A Man and a Woman, Bono sings, “I could never take the chance/Of losing love to find romance.” For me this is one of those Bono-like depth charges that in a couplet turns the spirit of the solar system on its head. In the world that rock stars, film stars and celebrities live in, romance is what guides the forces of relationships. If the emotional feelings or sexual buzz disappears then you can move on to the next little whim. This not only makes a mockery of the promises taken at weddings but leaves a trail of children born in a romantic fling that grow up without the stability of the family unit.

And this of course is sent across airwaves, gossip pages and cinema screens to a whole generation whose model of how to love is distinctly warped and shallow and a whole lot less than love should be. It results in young people rushing into marriages and quickly falling out of them. It leads to a lack of understanding about the everyday ordinary outworkings of love in the “for better or worse until death us do part” kind of reality.

This poem asks fundamental questions about the difference between love and romance. It is about stick-ability through the ebbs and flows of emotional highs and lows. It is an antithesis on the Love Story film’s great heresy that “love is never having to say sorry.” It is about a holding your soul mate even when you don’t understand or disagree with how she is felling. It is about sacrificial giving rather than selfishly getting. It is about a whole bunch of things that I am just beginning to learn, never mind have to put into practice if I am going to in any way honour my wedding vows or love my wife the way my heart claims to love her.

It is also good to remember that the dreams of love that dress in white and wear flowers in lapels and smile into each others eyes and exchange golden rings in the most perfectly romantic place are all tarnished. Both partners are fallen from man and woman’s original design. This realisation adds a huge degree of difficulty to the ice dance of love that we are flawed deep in our hearts, minds and souls. Yet, as my old history teacher taught us “every great person was great by being aware of their weaknesses. To recognise what is against us will allow us to deal with it and also make us more and more aware that we need Jesus redemption. That transcendent help is going to be needed to find the grace that will make this most unlikely alliance work is self evident every day of the happy ever after.

LOVE? OR ROMANCE? (A Few Thoughts For The Top of The Aisle)

You got circles of gold on your fingers
They speak of promises and trust
Holywood love don’t last too long these days
These rings remind you that yours must...

Everything has fallen
From where it has been
And all of us are tainted
But Jesus redeems
And everything is broken
Every hope and dream
All our love and affection
But Jesus redeems
So give yourselves to one another
With everything that you’ve got
Keep your eyes on the sacrificial cross
The price by which love was bought
Lean not on your own understanding
Or on what the other says
In all thy paths acknowledge Him
And he will direct thy ways

Is love an act of will
Or succumbing to some desire?
Is love a snug warm winter coat
Or a raging burnt out forest fire?
Is romance a mythic media lie
That truth needs to tear apart?
How can fashion labels decorate
The beauty of a soul mate’s heart?
Is love a crazy hazy dream
Or do I need to wake up first?
Is love just some ecstatic bubble
Or does the bubble have to burst?
It all begins with feelings of bliss
Before the hell that reality throws
But true love always sticks it out
In the ebb and flow…

Because love is patient
And love is kind
Love is always saying sorry
By grace love is made blind
Love controls the anger felt
Love forgives the pain
Love hugs what it doesn’t understand
Love forever remains.

But everything is broken
Every hope and dream
All our love and affection
But Jesus redeems
So give yourselves to one another
With everything that you’ve got
Keep your eyes on the sacrificial cross
Lean not on your own understanding
Or on what the other says
In all thy paths acknowledge Him
And he will direct thy ways.

Back