Blue Sky Diaries - Part 3

January 25, 2001

As Dave puts an exquisite little piece of mandolin on Winter Trees/Breeze I’m again just thrilled to hear what is being created. My poems were but lines on a page a few days ago and now they live in this soundscape of a new world. Does everybody feel their work is as good as this when they are in the middle of it and then get a different perspective a few months later. I cannot help but wonder still if we are making something that will get panned by everyone and look deep inside myself and ask if I am strong enough to cope with that kind of rejection. The kind of rejection that I have been dishing out for some years!!

Today we moved on to Caress of God’s Grace (Am I Looking). This one was a lyric of mine that Sam and Phil have given a great wee tune. It’s the perfect weave of song and spoken word. Based around Rich Mullins’ line about "everywhere I go I’m always looking", it’s a pivotal song to this whole project. Layering the production was slow and at one stage hearing the strings too far forward in the mix I worried that this would not sound like I wanted it to. I have a problem with strings. They can be used well but I remember spending a couple of days with Rich Mullins trying to encourage him to do what he was wanting to do which was keep the strings out of the final mix of his Liturgy Legacy and a Ragamuffin Band. If you hear the rough mixes of that album pre strings there is a whole lot more Rich and a whole lot less Christian blandness. So my fear was just that.

It also made me realise the difficulties that a poet has in doing a music project. I have no musical ability and have never even tried to envisage how a poem might sound. My contribution therefore in the studio is literally nil and at times I feel either I’d probably be talking rubbish or I’d feel that I was being ungrateful to these guys for what they are doing for me and my art. I felt a little bit out of control of my work and what my name would go on. Almost like I’d write the words of the sermon but someone else would emphasis it, deliver it and wear a nice suit and tie while doing so - all in my name. But I needed to wait and see what this would sound like in the final mix and how it would sit with everything else that at present I thought was great.

Today Sam and I also started work on Sprinkle, a poem that I wrote during Janice’s labour with Caitlin. It was penned in the very early morning on hospital paper towels. We took a very Cockburn approach to this one and Sam came up with a chorus and middle eight type thing. We took lines from poems I’d written for Jasmine and Rick and Debbie Johnston’s wedding. I like the line about the arc of God’s smile and was thrilled to find a home for it. We also took a load of lines from another poem I’d written for the project that we are now not using which I think have a crucial idea that needs included:

"Does a picture fade in just two hours of sunlight
Does a flower bloom in one shower of rain
And will words make you feel
Feel that I love you
Or will I just hold you again and again"

Grace is not understood in our souls as quickly as our ears hear it or our minds rationalise it. It takes a long time of being exposed to love and grace to finally come to terms with it in your life. As the poem is based on thoughts on Jesus words about lilies and birds and the clutter and fuss of our modern life, I feel that we need to hear these truths again and again. It sounded good and then Sam lost the melody!!!!!

As I pondered the whole sound of the album later tonight I am just sensitive to making something that I cannot rave about. I really believe that what these guys are doing has the makings of a great album and I want to make sure that it is authentic to the names on the front cover. There is always a fine line between being too out there and doing something because it might sell better. I want to make an album 'that' sells but I do not want to make an album 'to' sell. I think there is a crucial difference in that sentence.

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